“Romance runs through me, but it doesn’t run me. I love you but I don’t love you. I’d like to hold you but I don’t want to touch you. I’d like to know what I’m saying.”
“The hardest part about love is figuring out the difference between love and natural attraction. Not the kind of attraction that is based on appearance, but natural attraction in the sense of human affection of two people meeting up at the same time. I want you cause you’re here and it feels right. Is that right? Serendipity and fate, which one do I live by? Again, what am I saying.”—(via mental-mystics)
this is a letter, this is an autobiography, this is poetry. this is a give-it-all-i’ve-got, cause the lord knows i don’t have much left.
i change my hair color because i don’t know how to change anything else. i take two steps left because i don’t know how to take a step right.
i’m sorry for the fighting, for the words i used because i don’t know how to stay quiet. words are (and always have been) my only defense.
i need to hang up pictures, i need to invite more travelers to sleep on my couches. i need to throw away old pictures and keep in touch with the travelers who’ve already left.
i sit on my porch and drink sprite out of the two liter bottle. i eat macaroni from the pot and watch animal planet until i know every breed of dog and the health problems they face.
doberman, prone to ear infections. afghan hound, cataracts. french bulldog, respiratory infections.
i would be a shelter dog, a fucking mess with matted hair and untrimmed claws. i’d have a broken back or a missing paw, anything to keep people from getting too close. i had my shot. somebody loved me but not enough to keep me.
i don’t think of you with a sense of urgency anymore. instead, i wear dark lipstick like i’m mourning your death, even though you’re very much alive (but i don’t know what else).
i think too much for a good time, do shots like water in the kitchen at four in the morning.
and i feel like i can’t breathe anymore, at least not the same way i used to.
“for there is nothing heavier than compassion, not even one’s own pain weighs so heavy as the pain one feels with someone, for someone, a pain intensified by the imagination and prolonged by a hundred echoes”—
All happy people are alike, to paraphrase Tolstoy, but each unhappy person is unhappy in his or her own way.
A sullen person is gloomy, untalkative, and ill-humored by nature, but a glum person is usually silent because of low spirits or depressing circumstances (to be glum in the face of a plummeting stock market).
Melancholy suggests a more or less chronic sadness (her melancholy was the result of an unhappy childhood), while a person who is saturnine has a forbiddingly gloomy and taciturn nature (his request was met with a saturnine and scornful silence).
Dour refers to a grim and bitter outlook or disposition (a dour old woman who never smiled), and doleful implies a mournful sadness (the child’s doleful expression as his parents left).
Someone or something described as lugubrious is mournful or gloomy in an affected or exaggerated way (lugubrious songs about lost love).
Drowning. After panic, water inhalation and laryngospasm, “a feeling of calmness and tranquility” sets in, according to reports from survivors.
Heart attack. At the outset, it feels like an elephant sitting on one’s chest. A heart attack can lead to a long, slow death.
Blood loss. Exsanguination, in medical terminology. Death could come nearly instantly if the aorta is cut, but if the damage is in a smaller vein the patient would gradually go into haemorrhagic shock. Depending on the speed of blood loss, one might feel calm… or terrified.
Fire. Most deaths by fire aren’t actually caused by burning, reports Ms Gosline. “The most common cause of death is inhaling toxic gases - carbon monoxide, carbon dioxide and even hydrogen cyanide - together with the suffocating lack of oxygen.”
Decapitation. Perhaps the optimal way to go. Seven seconds and it’s all over.
Electrocution. In most cases, electrocution deaths are a result of arrhythmia, which cuts off oxygen supply to the brain in seconds. In rare cases, some experts say, electrocution could paralyze the breathing muscles or fry the brain, either of which could make death take much longer.
Falling from a height. A big fall causes just about every kind of organ failure you can think of. Messy, yes — but another fast way to expire.
Hanging. Two methods exist: the short drop and the long drop. A short drop causes strangulation; a long one, spinal trauma (“the classic ‘hangman’s fracture’ between the second and third cervical vertebrae”) or, in some cases, decapitation.
Lethal injection. Three drugs are used in most lethal injections: the anaesthetic thiopental, then the paralytic pancuronium, then potassium chloride is used to stop the heart pumping. The thiopental is supposed to eliminate any pain, but a current case in front of the US Supreme Court claims it is often used in insufficient dosages and patients die of painful burning caused by the potassium chloride.
Explosive decompression. There’s not much data to study for this one: only a few incidents have ever occurred. In 1971, Russia’s Soyuz-11 developed a leak during re-entry and all three passengers died of asphyxiation. In another case, a NASA researcher depressurized his flight suit in a vacuum chamber by mistake before being rescued. Animal experiments have found that unconsciousness comes within 10-15 seconds, but repressurizing the subjects within 90 seconds generally saves them. After that, as the body swells due to the pressure difference between one’s body and the vacuum, water vapour bubbles form in the blood and blood flow ceases.
You sit there in your heartache waiting on some beautiful boy to, to save you from your old ways you play forgiveness watch it now here he comes. He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus but he talks like a gentleman, like you imagined when you were young.